Modeling Graciousness, Part II: The Long Run

Posted on October 21, 2017 by

Catching up on reading – have been away from here for a bit. This made me cry. Wonderful mom, great kid. Great advice.

Visible Child

teen couch food

It’s 6:45 a.m., and I’m crying like a baby, you guys.

Yesterday was a long day.   In my house, we relish our weekends, particularly the ability to sleep in.  Of course, I can’t really do that anymore (because menopause and almost 18 years of getting up early to do all the mom things that must be done in the early mornings), but I do love the idea.  And sometimes I still do just enjoy the silence or read or meditate or take a walk.   And of course, my almost 18-year-old has gotten really really good at it, as teenagers will do–it’s their specialty.   Yesterday, neither of us got to sleep in.

We both got up at 6:15 to be ready to leave the house at 7:15 to be at a school that is about a half hour away for the absurdly absurd ritual of standardized testing for college admission (don’t…

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#blogElul 2017 – Day 18: Ask

Posted on September 11, 2017 by

Praying is asking blogelul+2017
humbly
for help.

Preface with please
always
follow with gratitude.

Please God
watch
over my child.

Please God
help
me breathe.

Please God
free
me from rage.

calm_angerPlease God
lift
hatred and fear.

Please God
let
me find calm.

Please God
guide
my steps.

Please God
may
I dwell in Your house…

all the days
of my life.

Thank you
God
I am grateful.

 

(With thanks to the Velveteen Rabbi for the Youtube link.)

Once again, I’m participating in #blogElul, which I have followed for a few years. In past years, I’ve found it helpful as I ponder and reflect in the month before the High Holidays – Yamim Noraim. Check out some of the amazing themed posts geared around the work and joy of Elul – of introspection and reflection in the days leading to the High Holy Days (Organized by Ima Bima.) You can read prior years’ #blogElul posts via the Elul tag.

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#blogElul 2017 – Day 17: Awaken

Posted on September 10, 2017 by

Last night I was too tired to contemplate  blogelul+2017
consciousness

no energy even for a short spate of
curiosity

a brief burst of energy required for
cogitation

though I have dreamt of waking with
clarity

able to articulate avenues of action to
consider.

 

Reckoning with rage means1468_1_1 tearing down the castle

destroying its protective moat and portending
collapse

PTSD hovering overhead and flashbacks
coalescing

 

amygdala moving into overdrive to avert
calamity

while deafening demons demonstrate
control.

GettyImages11-58b5b9413df78cdcd8b4cb79Rage has been my protection from the
chasm

a mountaineering partner to avoid the
crevasse

the most loyal bulwark against certain
catastrophe.

 

My gratitude for rage’s escutcheon is
complete

I am ready to awaken to new hopes for
capacity.

 

Once again, I’m participating in #blogElul, which I have followed for a few years. In past years, I’ve found it helpful as I ponder and reflect in the month before the High Holidays – Yamim Noraim. Check out some of the amazing themed posts geared around the work and joy of Elul – of introspection and reflection in the days leading to the High Holy Days (Organized by Ima Bima.) You can read prior years’ #blogElul posts via the Elul tag.

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Reblog of Visible Child post: On Parenting Without Dogma (Totally brilliant!!!)

Posted on September 8, 2017 by

…or the alternative name for this post, if you prefer: “Why I Suck At Marketing.” Let’s just get straight to the point. (Enjoy it, I don’t do that very often. I’m a wanderer, and proud of it.) I have a business. It’s called Visible Child. I make my living working with, writing for, and speaking […]

via On Parenting without Dogma — Visible Child

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#blogElul 2017 – Day 16: Pray

Posted on September 7, 2017 by

blogelul+2017

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I thank you, God, for all these things:

For my baby; my brilliant, beautiful baby
from whom Your light emanates.
Thank you for Your gentle ruach that
created her miraculous entry into my world.

For my bashert, who cannot – yet – allow in
many wonders You have placed in her path.
Please help guide her steps so she can
feel Your radiance in her world.

For my family, who have been a source of
strength for me, even as I have fought them.
Thank you for showing me the way toward
them when I couldn’t find it myself.

For my community, whose genuine kindness
and love is Your holiness personified.
Their great goodness illumines the path
I walk to Your door.

For knowing what I don’t know, and
seeking wisdom to find understanding.
For helping me shift from roaring anger
to its roots in hurt and loss, fear and shame.

For showing me that rage is not to be feared
but experienced as an opportunity to heal.

Modim Anachnu Lach

Once again, I’m participating in #blogElul, which I have followed for a few years. In past years, I’ve found it helpful as I ponder and reflect in the month before the High Holidays – Yamim Noraim. Check out some of the amazing themed posts geared around the work and joy of Elul – of introspection and reflection in the days leading to the High Holy Days (Organized by Ima Bima.) You can read prior years’ #blogElul posts via the Elul tag.

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#blogElul 2017 – Day 15: Intend

Posted on September 7, 2017 by

blogelul+2017

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I intended to write a contemplative piece tonightFullSizeRender-1
Instead I am spent – physically and emotionally
After two days of a journey to visit my elders
Three beloved women, all in their 90s
All of whom were important parts of my childhood
Whose families were and are precious to me
Who live within a 20-mile radius in New Jersey.

I intended to spend a few hours with each one
Then go on my way; a four-hour drive separating me IMG_0597
From my ties with them, from powerful mixed emotions
Each time I returned to my car after saying goodbye
I cried, knowing I might never see them again
Understanding they are the last of their generation
Accepting that my generation are the new elders.

I intended to wax poetic about intention tonight
About rage and its effects on my 60 years on IMG_0608
This planet, but instead am overwhelmed with
Poignant memories of three beloved women
Who taught me important lessons about love
About strength, and who are the last living ties
To my beloved mom, of blessed memory.

So…I can’t.

Not tonight.

Hug someone you love after you read this
One of your beloved elders, your spouse/partner
(If you have one), your child, your dog/cat, because
Love is precious, connection is healing, and
Because you never know…

Once again, I’m participating in #blogElul, which I have followed for a few years. In past years, I’ve found it helpful as I ponder and reflect in the month before the High Holidays – Yamim Noraim. Check out some of the amazing themed posts geared around the work and joy of Elul – of introspection and reflection in the days leading to the High Holy Days (Organized by Ima Bima.) You can read prior years’ #blogElul posts via the Elul tag.

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#blogElul 2017 – Day 14: Learn

Posted on September 5, 2017 by

 

blogelul+2017

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Learning is my passion
As it was for my mother before me
As it is for my daughter after me.

Matters intellectual fascinate me
Science, though unfathomable, sparks my brain
Art and music soothe my savage breast.

Learning from my mistakes is akin to a root canal
Acutely anxiety-provoking in the lead-up
Excruciatingly enervating in its execution.

You_Live_and_Learn_FilmPosterAfter a while, curiosity works its way in
I begin to recognize a pattern to my actions
Acceptance arrives – kicking and screaming.

Over and over and over, year after year after year
I take baby steps, putting one foot after the other
Starting afresh from the same – and a new – place.

 

An upward spiral of learning/growth opportunities
Each time a little bit more aware and accepting
With gratitude to God for guiding my steps.

gandhi-live-and-learn_a-G-3738677-0

 

Once again, I’m participating in #blogElul, which I have followed for a few years. In past years, I’ve found it helpful as I ponder and reflect in the month before the High Holidays – Yamim Noraim. Check out some of the amazing themed posts geared around the work and joy of Elul – of introspection and reflection in the days leading to the High Holy Days (Organized by Ima Bima.) You can read prior years’ #blogElul posts via the Elul tag.

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Self-destruct (reblogging)

Posted on September 5, 2017 by

I was born into an era when fear and relief played equal roles in the minds of many. Fourteen years of wartime rationing had only ended a few years before and the memories of that bloody conflict were still fresh in the minds, hearts and bodies of every adult, many of whom had also lived […]

via Self-destruct — Sue Vincent’s Daily Echo

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#blogElul 2017 – Day 13: Remember*

Posted on September 5, 2017 by

Humility/Anavah*blogelul+2017
Don’t think too much of myself
Don’t think too little of myself.

Patience/Savlanut*
Patience truly is a virtue
I need it.

Gratitude/Hakarat Ha’tov*
I am grateful for God
I am grateful to God.

Compassion/Rachamim*
Compassion is instinctual
Not toward myself.

Equanimity/Menuchat Ha’nefesh*
Being on an even keel
I can’t swim, much less sail.

Honor/Kavod*
Honoring is easy
Except in the midst of rage.

Simplicity/Histapkut*
To live simply is a dream
Chaos rules my brain.

Generosity/Nedivut*
My soul is filled with generosity
Except toward my self.

Truth/Emet*
Truth is subjective
I try to live it by my definition.

Lovingkindness/Chesed*
A trait I am blessed with
Except in extremis.

Trust/Bitachon*
I trust God, not humans
This needs work.

Faith/Emunah*
My faith in God is steadfast
My faith in myself is nil.

…Finally:

Remember
To breathe.Mussar-rec-flyer-middle-680x219.png

*A bit of explanation – I have chosen to focus on 12 of the “essential” soul traits that are studied and looked to in the Jewish practice of Mussar. Mussar has its roots in the 10th century, but became more known in the mid-19th century because of the work of Rabbi Israel Salanter. One of the central tenets of Mussar is that each of us is born a pure soul – not having, but being one – but through living in this world, our soul traits become unbalanced. Mussar is the work of balancing our soul traits over time, and raising ourselves closer to reaching our pure souls again. (This is my very rough paraphrasing – for a better introduction and explanation, click here.)

Once again, I’m participating in #blogElul, which I have followed for a few years. In past years, I’ve found it helpful as I ponder and reflect in the month before the High Holidays – Yamim Noraim. Check out some of the amazing themed posts geared around the work and joy of Elul – of introspection and reflection in the days leading to the High Holy Days (Organized by Ima Bima.) You can read prior years’ #blogElul posts via the Elul tag.

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#blogElul 2017 – Day 12: Count

Posted on September 4, 2017 by

Too many times blogelul+2017
My child couldn’t count on me
To hold my temper
To count to ten.

Too many times
My spouse couldn’t count on me
To not snap
To take a breath.

Too many times
Drivers who got in my way
Couldn’t count on me
To be a civilized human being.

Too many times
I forgot to breathe
To count to ten
To hold my temper.

Too many times
I couldn’t count on myself
To live up to my values
To be – just to be.

 

nptpr

 

Once again, I’m participating in #blogElul, which I have followed for a few years. In past years, I’ve found it helpful as I ponder and reflect in the month before the High Holidays – Yamim Noraim. Check out some of the amazing themed posts geared around the work and joy of Elul – of introspection and reflection in the days leading to the High Holy Days (Organized by Ima Bima.) You can read prior years’ #blogElul posts via the Elul tag.

 

 

 

Posted in Elul, God, Jewish, Judaism, Poems | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments