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Monthly Archives: March 2011
The Ghost of Birthdays Past
My mother just had a birthday. 87. She turned 87. I am grateful; I am thrilled to be celebrating dancing singing rejoicing with her. My family descended, en masse. Hovering, wondering: How much longer? Will this be the last one? … Continue reading
Posted in Poems, Uncategorized
Tagged birthday, children, family, feelings, ghosts, hate, healing, love, past and present, poetry, rage, re-living trauma, triggering, triggers
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Hey Muse! Where Are You?
Writing, expressing, speaking out, are my salvation. My way home. Sometimes, though, the muse takes a break. She must need it, with all that I demand–no…beg–of her. I find myself without words, without ideas, without my lifeblood. What to do? … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged child, depression, facing the abyss, hope, inspiration, joy, Muse, time, tired of depression, writer's block, writing, writing prompt
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Finding God
Last night, I found God again. Or maybe God found me. A spiritual guide and dear friend said to me last night that sometimes you don’t have to search for God. She suggested that I try being still, and maybe … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
1 Comment
Where is God?
I am without God today. Devastatingly without God. Without hope. I stress today, because I know it will not be forever. It just feels like it. Just. Hah…just. What a silly minimization. Unjust, more like. The feeling overwhelms, threatens to … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged body, body issues, depression, feelings, finding God, God, healing, hope, hopelessness, incest survivor, No Body, overwhelm, survivor
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No Body.
No Body. Not today. None that I want, anyway. No connection No stash of self-love No self-compassion. Just fear Blind fear The kind that makes you quake. Fears are feelings. Feelings aren’t facts. That’s what they say. Anyway… I don’t … Continue reading
Posted in Poems, Uncategorized
Tagged betrayal, body, body issues, feelings, incest survivor, lava flow, No Body, poetry, re-living trauma, survivor, triggering, triggers
2 Comments
Body? What Body?
I am a brain searching for a body. Disembodied. Unembodied. I am antibodied. Starting at puberty, I developed antibodies to the physical manifestation of a self. Before puberty hit (and it hit like a ton of bricks), I was … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
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I Have a Voice
Just like King George VI in “The King’s Speech,” I have a voice. And like George VI, it took me many years, and many false starts, to find it. Finding one’s voice, in the face of almost insurmountable odds, is … Continue reading
Posted in Silence/Collusion
Tagged Cactus, children, Ferron, finding your voice, i have a voice, incest survivor, silence, speaking, speaking out, survivor
7 Comments
RAGE RAGE RAGE: I hate abusers
I am in a towering rage today. I have been since last Thursday morning. A dear friend of mine called and told me that his daughter had been molested by her stepfather. I know this child. I love this child. … Continue reading
Posted in Silence/Collusion
Tagged abusers, children, healing, incest, incest survivor, punishment, rage, silence, trauma
4 Comments