#blogElul 2017 – Day 15: Intend











I intended to write a contemplative piece tonightFullSizeRender-1
Instead I am spent – physically and emotionally
After two days of a journey to visit my elders
Three beloved women, all in their 90s
All of whom were important parts of my childhood
Whose families were and are precious to me
Who live within a 20-mile radius in New Jersey.

I intended to spend a few hours with each one
Then go on my way; a four-hour drive separating me IMG_0597
From my ties with them, from powerful mixed emotions
Each time I returned to my car after saying goodbye
I cried, knowing I might never see them again
Understanding they are the last of their generation
Accepting that my generation are the new elders.

I intended to wax poetic about intention tonight
About rage and its effects on my 60 years on IMG_0608
This planet, but instead am overwhelmed with
Poignant memories of three beloved women
Who taught me important lessons about love
About strength, and who are the last living ties
To my beloved mom, of blessed memory.

So…I can’t.

Not tonight.

Hug someone you love after you read this
One of your beloved elders, your spouse/partner
(If you have one), your child, your dog/cat, because
Love is precious, connection is healing, and
Because you never know…

Once again, I’m participating in #blogElul, which I have followed for a few years. In past years, I’ve found it helpful as I ponder and reflect in the month before the High Holidays – Yamim Noraim. Check out some of the amazing themed posts geared around the work and joy of Elul – of introspection and reflection in the days leading to the High Holy Days (Organized by Ima Bima.) You can read prior years’ #blogElul posts via the Elul tag.

About armsakimbobook

I'm a mother, a lawyer, a feminist, a writer, a potter, and an inveterate and unapologetic New Yorker. My book, Arms Akimbo: A Journey of Healing, tells of my journey of healing over a number of years, learning to live a full life after I was molested by my father at a very young age. I live in Maynard, MA, with my wife and and our two moose-cats, Samson and Hercules. My daughter used to live with me part-time, but she's all grown up now and in her junior year of college, which I can't quite fathom, since she was born about five minutes ago...
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