#blogElul 2017 – Day 11: Trust

I like to think of myself blogelul+2017
as trustworthy, a stalwart
ally, omnipresent in times
of need.

Truth be told
too many times
my actions have eroded
others’ trust in me.

How can one have faith
in a sibling, a parent,
a spouse, a friend
whose rage runs amok?

 

Apologies – though sincere –
become meaningless when
tantrums aren’t tempered
over time.

Please God, guide my steps
away from ferocity and fury
to a place of peace within
and without.

Please God –
let this be my year.

01-Signs-Your-Baby-Trusts-You_comfort_504858712_CasarsaGuru


Once again, I’m participating in #blogElul, which I have followed for a few years. In past years, I’ve found it helpful as I ponder and reflect in the month before the High Holidays – Yamim Noraim. Check out some of the amazing themed posts geared around the work and joy of Elul – of introspection and reflection in the days leading to the High Holy Days (Organized by Ima Bima.) You can read prior years’ #blogElul posts via the Elul tag.

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#blogElul 2017 – Day 10: Forgive

If asking for forgiveness during blogelul+2017
these holy days leading to even
holier days is a requirement
is there meaning in the act?

Isn’t it more honorable to apologize
close to the event where one has
hurt someone instead of racking up
brownie points with God?

Does the blanket “please forgive
me if I’ve done something
to hurt you” pass muster with
God during the Yamim Noraim?

Intent matters – deeply
caring about the harm one has
done to another is an essential
part of asking for forgiveness.

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I have tried to apologize when
I have done damage to another
but sometimes I am not aware
of the injury I have inflicted.

Most often this is the case for me
when the suffering is to self
when the wound goes too deep
for a mere “sorry” to salve the soul.

In this sacred season I apologize
to my soul for the anguish and
self-loathing I have administered
to it this past year (and more).

My intent is pure, my contrition
sincere, my covenant to cease
this destructive behavior is made
before self and God.

Ken y’hi ratzon.  (May it be Your will.)

 


Once again, I’m participating in #blogElul, which I have followed for a few years. In past years, I’ve found it helpful as I ponder and reflect in the month before the High Holidays – Yamim Noraim. Check out some of the amazing themed posts geared around the work and joy of Elul – of introspection and reflection in the days leading to the High Holy Days (Organized by Ima Bima.) You can read prior years’ #blogElul posts via the Elul tag.

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#blogElul 2017 – Elul 9: See

There is seeing blogelul+2017
and there is seeing.
Glancing versus observing.
Scanning versus scrutinizing.

In moments of anger/angst
I have avoided, evaded
eluded, deluded
but rarely, if ever, denuded.

Viewing rage’s effects only on self
is an empty exercise
creating a chasm of self-condoling
lacking in lovingkindness.

AdobeStock_122981584

 

I have wreaked enough havoc
squandered enough trust
caused enough pain
broken enough hearts.

It is time to open my eyes
forswear shuttered lids
acknowledge my actions
and atone.

 


Once again, I’m participating in #blogElul, which I have followed for a few years. In past years, I’ve found it helpful as I ponder and reflect in the month before the High Holidays – Yamim Noraim. Check out some of the amazing themed posts geared around the work and joy of Elul – of introspection and reflection in the days leading to the High Holy Days (Organized by Ima Bima.) You can read prior years’ #blogElul posts via the Elul tag.

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#blogElul 2017 – Day 8: Hear

blogelul+2017

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It starts in my ears Poipu-Beach-photo
the slow rush of waves
gentle and softly soothing
lulling me into pseudo-safety.

Sound begins to pound
expropriating attention
crashing into consciousness
alerting the amygdala.

The storm of sensation
sparks “fight or flight”4467333725_19e86c5133_b
but the only flight I feel
is a flight to fight.

In a matter of seconds
a tsunami rages within
bursts forth inexorably
destroying all in its path.

Is there a divergent way
away from the amygdala
hearing that first soft sound
and heeding its warning?

Pondering possibilities
rethinking reactivity
considering choices
I drift off to sleep.

 


Once again, I’m participating in #blogElul, which I have followed for a few years. In past years, I’ve found it helpful as I ponder and reflect in the month before the High Holidays – Yamim Noraim. Check out some of the amazing themed posts geared around the work and joy of Elul – of introspection and reflection in the days leading to the High Holy Days (Organized by Ima Bima.) You can read prior years’ #blogElul posts via the Elul tag.

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#blogElul 2017 – Day 7: Understand

I understand. I get it. I do.  blogelul+2017

Rage is my default emotion.
A comfortable landing zone.
An old friend.

Recognizing isn’t enough.
I can spot my sidekick
in a nanosecond.

Acceptance isn’t enough.
My friend and I have
shaken hands all our lives.

Understanding isn’t enough.
We are bosom buddies
finishing each others’ sentences.

Are you protecting me?
You have had my back for so long
but now I need to hold myself up.

We need to shift our relationship.
Let’s walk side-by-side for now
until I can guide my own steps.

(And thank you…)

13bcd940d35bd04f13cc04c812e790e4--best-friend-diy-gifts-birthday-funny-best-friend-birthday-quotes


Once again, I’m participating in #blogElul, which I have followed for a few years. In past years, I’ve found it helpful as I ponder and reflect in the month before the High Holidays – Yamim Noraim. Check out some of the amazing themed posts geared around the work and joy of Elul – of introspection and reflection in the days leading to the High Holy Days (Organized by Ima Bima.) You can read prior years’ #blogElul posts via the Elul tag.

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#blogElul 2017 – Day 6: Want

blogelul+2017

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What do I want?
Not much.
World peace.
A new President.
ISIS delivering meals-on-wheels.
Fair distribution of wealth.
Healthy food for all.

What do I want?
Relief from rage.
Shedding of shame.
Abatement of anxiety.
Freedom from fear.

And…a dog.

IMG_3640

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Once again, I’m participating in #blogElul, which I have followed for a few years. In past years, I’ve found it helpful as I ponder and reflect in the month before the High Holidays – Yamim Noraim. Check out some of the amazing themed posts geared around the work and joy of Elul – of introspection and reflection in the days leading to the High Holy Days (Organized by Ima Bima.) You can read prior years’ #blogElul posts via the Elul tag.

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#blogElul 2017 – Day 5: Accept

I would accept, exceptblogelul+2017
rejection is easier than
reflection, deflection
simpler than direction…

I am the architect of
neglect, though it’s
dejecting that I’m electing
to be disrespecting…

I expect someday to subject
my unchecked defects to
introspection, an injection
of circumspection…

I am, in retrospect, inept
at dissection or
connection, electing
subjugation of self…

to rage.

rage rage rage


Once again, I’m participating in #blogElul, which I have followed for a few years. In past years, I’ve found it helpful as I ponder and reflect in the month before the High Holidays – Yamim Noraim. Check out some of the amazing themed posts geared around the work and joy of Elul – of introspection and reflection in the days leading to the High Holy Days (Organized by Ima Bima.) You can read prior years’ #blogElul posts via the Elul tag.

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#blogElul 2017 – Day 4: Choose

blogelul+2017

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I was a kid, the grand issues
of the day were easily resolved:27NYTODAY-superJumboharlem
Stick ball or ringolevio?
One, two, three…shoot!
Who’s up first – my team or yours?
One potato, two potato…
Should we play Monopoly or Life?
Rock, paper, scissors…shoot!

Life as an adult is not so simple
issues are more complex:
What career do I crave?
One, two, three…shoot?
Do I want to have children?
One potato, two potato…?
Is it appropriate to get angry?
Rock, paper, scissors?

Is anger even a choice?
Does it come on too fast and
furious to allow reflection?
Is there a difference between
anger and rage?
Can rage be righteous?

Step 1 – Recognize:
Admit the anger
Discern its derivation
Observe the outbursts.
No more, no less.

 


Once again, I’m participating in #BlogElul, which I have followed for a few years. In past years, I’ve found it helpful as I ponder and reflect in the month before the High Holidays – Yamim Noraim. Check out some of the amazing  themed posts geared around the work and joy of Elul – of introspection and reflection in the days leading to the High Holy Days (Organized by Ima Bima.) You can read prior years’ #blogElul posts via the Elul tag.

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#BlogElul 2017 – Day 2: Search

Somewhere, there must be a wayblogelul+2017
away from demons devouring
the quintessence of my Neshama
destroying the marrow growing
the cells of love and kindness
drinking my lifeblood
vampires on a feeding orgy
leaving only an empty shell.

Please, God, help guide me
help me find my way
away from anger’s annihilation
to a place of safety, peace
anima, not animus
please let Your Chesed
surround me
as I feel your love.

Please, God, guide my steps.

(Click on this link to hear the uplifting, peace-inducing song by Debra Winston and Julie Silver.)


Once again, I’m participating in #BlogElul, which I have followed for a few years. In past years, I’ve found it helpful as I ponder and reflect in the month before the High Holidays – Yamim Noraim. Check out some of the amazing  themed posts geared around the work and joy of Elul – of introspection and reflection in the days leading to the High Holy Days (Organized by Ima Bima.) You can read prior years’ #blogElul posts via the Elul tag.

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#BlogElul 2017 – Day 1: Act

As you’ll see if you looked at my previous post, I erred in posting Day 3 as Day 1. My apologies. The rest will be in order, assuming my brain starts working!  Here’s the real Day 1 post – Act:

blogelul+2017

Acts induce issues
Acting without thinking
Thinking without acting
Opposite not apposite acts.

Inertia over activity
Paralysis over progress
Reactivity over reflectivity
Celerity over cerebration.

Holding not releasing
Fearing first step’s fragility
Rage responding to challenge’s spark
No scintilla of space for insufflation.

Elul is for rumination
Righting the ship of state
Pushing paralysis toward alacrity
Reactivity toward reason.


Once again, I’m participating in #BlogElul, which I have followed for a few years. In past years, I’ve found it helpful as I ponder and reflect in the month before the High Holidays – Yamim Noraim. Check out some of the amazing  themed posts geared around the work and joy of Elul – of introspection and reflection in the days leading to the High Holy Days (Organized by Ima Bima.) You can read prior years’ #blogElul posts via the Elul tag.

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